Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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