I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
