...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize