Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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