Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
