Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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