yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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