Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
