My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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