So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
