it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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