i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
