My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
