I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
