I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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