Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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