i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
