i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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