fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How external is "for external use only"?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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