Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
