I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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