So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
