Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
