You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
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