first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize