my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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