yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
