Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize