I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
