she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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