I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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