i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
