Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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