Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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