just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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