So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
