FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
