just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mom said you looked used
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
