i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
