I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
