The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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