There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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