Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
