escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
