you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize