i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
