I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
