I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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