What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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