Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
