She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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