we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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