Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
