i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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