she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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