guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
