Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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