i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
