if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
