He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I want is dick and wine.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
