so let's talk penis.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize