i need an iv and a liver transplant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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