Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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