Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
