beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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