i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
