I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
