she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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