I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
