my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize