you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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