never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
