Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
