I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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