Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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