I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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