so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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