God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
