Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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