We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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