You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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