How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
