I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
