I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
