I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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