I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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