she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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