Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
