if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
