youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
