yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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