we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
