Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
