Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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