After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need to stop coming to work sober
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
