If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
