The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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