ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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