My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
