the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
