her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
