I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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